I usually find myself missing holidays and getting into the season’s festivities too late. Blame my chronic procrastination, or my easily distracted mind, or the lovely mix of anxiety and depression that means I’m hyperaware of deadlines and can’t quite summon the spoons necessary to deal with them before they go flying by. I also haven’t been a ritual person for some time, for many reasons. With the exception of a lovely equinox ritual this past September with the ADF Grove of the Seven Hills I haven’t done seasonal ritual for a long while. It was easier when I was part of my college’s Pagan group and belonged both to ADF and to a local Neo-Wiccan coven. Having people around to physically mark changes was important to me, even if I didn’t agree theologically with everyone else in the circle.
Without some form of physical community, I find my priorities shifting. I am asking the same questions I did when I first started this blog, only now I’m more comfortable with the hazy answers and “you gotta figure this out for yourself, kid,” responses. As lonely and frustrating as it can be sometimes, it’s also freeing to be the sole meaning-maker on my personal religious path. I have to be the one who lives with these answers, after all. I have to explain the world in a way that makes sense to me; I have to live with the consequences to my actions; I have to accept whether I can sleep at night with the ethical choices I made that day.